Before I begin – “ Thank
You “ to those of you that left kind words – thoughtfulness – and comforting
condolences for Dwayne. Words cannot describe how much your extended love is appreciated.
This winter has been a pain
in the ass for Dwayne and I. It's been a mess here, with the weather...
the mud... ice... snow... you name it. And that's since the period of
time we endured while Dwayne was sick for almost a whole month in December.
Very difficult when it’s
just 2 people. But no matter how many
people want us to fail – that is just not gonna happen. We will succeed without them.
However - this past week
was the ultimate.
We were in the middle of
preparing for an expected and dangerous ice storm that decided to come in -
right in the middle of our search for a source to buy 100 square bales of hay -
when Dwayne received a phone call from Texas.
Dwayne's father passed away
last Wednesday. Friday afternoon came - before
the shock took a breath. Dwayne –
finally – let the dam break.
You never know when that
moment chooses to arrive. Seems like it always shows up at the strangest of times.
We were putting on coats
and waders to go out and take care of evening feeding. I won’t go into details with exactly what was
said.
But I will say this. He spoke his first words regarding how the death of his father was churning feelings inside his heart.
Dwayne and his father were estranged. Dwayne always had issues with his father’s
choice of avoiding being present in his life – despite even moments as he stood
only inches from him in the same room.
Dwayne was owed an apology
from a choice his father made – regarding the last family situation that occurred in their circle - which absolutely destroyed Dwayne’s heart.
It never came.
He did not go to the
funeral. So far – he is attempting to go
back to work without taking any bereavement time. I am doing everything possible to help him
keep putting one foot in front of the other.
And the one thing I will
put all my energy into – even if it is my very last breath – is making sure he
understands that there is – absolutely – NO REASON for HIM to feel any guilt.
Dwayne gave his all to
making every effort to be the best child and son any man is blessed to have in his life.
So many of us grow up going
to Sunday School and being taught about this version of Hell being, “ way down
below the ground – in the middle of the earth – where there’s nothing but fire.
“ And if we’re not good – we’ll “ burn
in Hell. “
Artists tend to stretch
their imagination with paint – giving so many variations that can lend to a
room full of people – each coming up with their own interpretation. And I believe that version of Hell may have
been one of the easiest that became so common.
But I see a completely
different version to what I consider as Hell.
I – very much – believe in
Spiritual Warfare. And yes – there is
the good and the bad. There is the dark
side of the spiritual world. And then
there is The Light – the spiritual world where our Heavenly Father exists –
with all those having simple hearts not existing in human form on earth.
I believe we all pass away
and go over to the other side – into the world where our Heavenly Father exists.
That is - unless we have
made a clear choice to allow ourselves to enter the dark world of Satan. And there are some people that do make that
very choice.
Joshua 24:15
“ But if serving the Lord seems
undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve,
whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the
Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as
for me and my household, we
will serve the Lord. ”
The one
thing I never forget about God is this.
Nothing and nobody else exists – period – capable of loving anywhere
near as unconditionally as God.
And that
can only mean it is absolutely impossible for God to handle any of us with even
the least amount of malice – for any reason.
But God is
our Father. He is our Father before
anyone else is our father. We are His
child – FIRST and ALWAYS - before we are anyone else’s child – before and after
any generation within any family on earth.
Before anything
else in our lives - Whether we are Father – Mother – Son or Daughter to each
other - on earth - makes absolutely NO difference to one single solid Fact…
Each and
every single one of us is accountable for our own actions – for which each and
every single one of us will have to answer to God – when we pass away from
earth and go over to the other side.
When you
have lived on earth making clear choices of being mean and hateful to people – seeking
revenge - whomever they may be – you are only given your time on earth after
that – as a chance to correct your mistakes – make your apologies – make genuine
amends.
You are to live
out the rest of your life with a kind and loving heart that never –
deliberately - sets out to manipulate - hurt - or - harm those you have afflicted – or any
others - ever again.
Just
because someone is – ‘ family ‘ on earth – NEVER gives you any right to take
those persons for granted – take advantage of them – and mistreat them in any
way – shape or form.
And when
you have a family member that makes clear and deliberate choices to be mean –
malicious – ugly – cruel – manipulative, etc….
God does
not expect you to put up with that – nor accept that cruelty. Not even from them.
God says to
love good – hate evil – period.
Romans 12: 9-21
(9) Let love be genuine; hate what is evil, hold
fast to what is good; (10) love one another with mutual affection; outdo
one another in showing honor. (11) Do not lag in zeal, be ardent in spirit, serve
the Lord. (12) Rejoice in hope, be
patient in suffering, persevere in prayer. (13) Contribute to the
needs of the saints; extend hospitality to strangers. (14) Bless those who
persecute you; bless and do not curse them. (15) Rejoice with those
who rejoice, weep with those who weep. (16) Live in harmony with
one another; do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly; do not claim to be wiser than you are. (17) Do not repay anyone
evil for evil, but take thought for what is noble in the sight of all. (18) If it is possible,
so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. (19) Beloved, never
avenge yourselves, but leave room for the wrath of God; for it is written, " Vengeance is mine, I
will repay, says the Lord. " (20) No, " if your
enemies are hungry, feed them; if they are thirsty, give them something to
drink; for by doing this you will heap burning coals on their heads. " (21) Do not be overcome
by evil, but overcome evil with good.
When I’ve reached my line drawn in the
sand – where I’m finished with the arrows coming at me and my household…
I don’t go around spreading lies about
that person to others that are great candidates for betting that they won’t
bother going to get the other side of the story.
I don’t go out in the middle of the night
to cut the tires on their vehicles – or – damage any of their property –
period.
I don’t go after them with weapons to
kill them – or – beat them – either.
I go into Spiritual Warfare. I anoint our house. I pray the entire time I am going to each and
every window and door of our home – leaving a cross drawn with blessed
Anointing Oil on each one. Through my
faith – I am given the right by God – to cast Satan out. And when I demand in the name of Jesus Christ – Satan is required by God to
remove himself and his demons from all areas of my life that I request. I hand over all that is in my life into the
hands of God – which is what God requests – before He will step in and take
hold.
And once it has been put into His hands –
God takes over and handles everything with his Fatherly Discipline – Grace –
and Love.
Every morning – I let God know – I’m
watching. And God knows – I give HIM all
the credit for whatever happens that day.
I keep my eyes and ears open.
Whatever happens – whatever appears to be good or bad - I always know I
am seeing God at work.
Bad things will
happen. I will not understand why. But I know that God is working. He has His reasons for everything. He always gets the last word – and His Will
is always – only for what is right and good.
I know that I can always
depend on walking through fire - carrying my faith in Him. And for doing just that – He will get me
through that fire to the other side – where blessings that even I could never
even imagine - will be waiting for me.
God always leaves
incredible gifts in return for carrying faith in Him.
A whole week had not even
gone by after anointing our home – before Dwayne’s father passed away.
And he died without fixing mistakes and apologizing
to Dwayne.
That was his father's choice. He was given the time he had left - on earth –
to fix all that. He chose not to do so.
And now he’s over on the
other side – where some other state cannot divide the two of them. He cannot hang up the phone when he doesn’t
want to hear truth. And he cannot argue
one more twist into the situation.
And THIS is where I
believe Hell comes in.
Now Dwayne’s father is
trapped. He may as well be tied to a
chair inside a closet – forced to view nothing but all the things he did in
his life – as if they were all recorded on a CD – put into a CD player set to
loop.
He has no choice now. He can only sit there and look at all that –
over and over again – never being able to go back and do any of it over
again. Totally unable to go back and fix
any of it.
We cross over to the other side with only a
good heart. Heaven is a place of nothing
but love and everything good. Understand this.
And because of that - we become capable of feeling
all the deliberate pain and hurt that we caused others on earth – when we die
and go over to the other side. And from
that point on – there is absolutely NO chance of getting to come back and get
a ‘ Do Over. ‘
I am so grateful to God for
putting Dwayne and I together – to share our lives together. We share so much in common.
Both of us are two human beings that only
choose the want to live life right and good – just living life right –
according to God’s Will. Neither of us
has a mean bone in our body. Both of us
have taken a LOT of meanness from others.
But together both of us
have become strong enough to hold on to understanding that we DO NOT have to
accept the malice and meanness from others – no matter whom they may be on
earth - father - mother - stepfather - stepmother - sibling - half sibling - even grown children.
We know just exactly how we
are able to put those individuals in the hands of God – and let our Heavenly
Father be THEIR Father.
That is exactly all we can
do. That is exactly all we have done.
That is exactly what we
have chosen to continue doing.
1 comment:
Wow, i am so sorry for your loss, it is a shame when people put up walls and won't take responsability for the actions they do. I commend you for your faith and will pray that what the enemy has stolen he will repay 7 fold. I am glad you have faith and that He is your redeemer. Pat
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